amatuer adult

niamhmarley:

I am who I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I wish I didn’t. Can I help it? No. Do I want to? Yes, so badly. But I have placed everything into His hands and that’s all I can do. I don’t want to hand over the control of this but the fact is, only He knows what to do. ‘Faith is believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.’

You write your life out in pencil - God writes it in pen. If He leads you to it, He will lead you through it.

Something happened yesterday. Something scary that I can’t talk about, yet cannot get out of my head. Let’s just say, by coincidence, I found myself desperately trying to help someone whose name I don’t even know… Now I’ve received conflicting messages from the people I’m closest to, some saying I’m a good person for helping people, others saying I’m a pushover who let’s people take advantage of me. Both of these may have been true at a stage, but is it really that bad to want to do the right thing and help people where I can?

My friend was with me, and she said something really bang on the money, she said ‘It’s strange how quickly you can become more concerned with someone else’s life than your own…’ It was true. After a few pensive moments, I replied that being that way inclined is never a bad way to be. I firmly believe that. I told her that I knew God had put us there for a reason, she said she prefers to call it her intuition, but that’s a disagreement for another day. The point is, I belive He put us in this person’s path, He gave me a chance to prove myself, and to help a person in real need. And even though I was more scared than I’ve ever been in my life, I did my best, but I may never know the outcome. And I will have the image of last night with me for a very long time, I know everything happens for a reason, so I have to have faith that it worked out for the best.

It made me come to some personal conclusions though…. Yes, I may be quiet. I may be nice. I may be helpful to a fault. I may avoid confrontation like the proverbial plague. I am the way I am, that I can’t help. But that does NOT mean anyone should underestimate me… Because when I have to do the right thing, no matter who it’s for, come hell or high water, I will do it.

Vent over, apologies for the melodramatic emo-spillage.

Peace and love xx

ratkingparty:

• What if I hear them and get really uncomfortable?
• What if they hear me hearing them and think I’m being a creeper?
• What if they hear me and they do it louder because it excites them more?
• Guess I’ll just stay in my room and try not to get all panicky because I can’t leave my room.
• Or cover my ears if I’m somewhere where I can’t really escape.

This has happened to me more times than I would like :S